How To: Play Arcade Games

Being the asshole god, I am always on the lookout for the rightful heir to my throne. Wherever I am, I stay sharp for I might cross paths with the one destined to take over my place and be the most ultimate asshole known to man.

Today, I came across someone worthy of taking my place, for his asshole skills are superior to most so far and his shit-giving almost nonexistent.

I was at an arcade in LimKetKai center in Cagayan de Oro. After having played a few games (before everyone else, of course), I decided to have a break and observe people fighting over different game machines to play first.

Then, this dude caught my attention.

One nice guy, after playing Battle Gear 4 for one round, got out of the seat and asked the said dude if he wanted to play. He responded with a nod without looking at the guy talking to him, continuously pressing random shit on his phone as if he was communicating with people interested in conversing with him, even at least digitally.

That alone gave me a really good impression of him because his ability to socially interact with other people is REMARKABLE.

We shall call him AssholeKing Candidate #1.

Anyway, he proceeded to play Battle Gear. Then he played again. And again. And again.

The dude that made way for him kept waiting for his turn. It was very clear in his face that he made the worst mistake in the entirety of his life.

A few rounds have passed. Just as he hoped to be able to play after this last game, AssholeKing Candidate #1 let out his sack of tokens and placed it in his lap. In the world of assholery, this act symbolizes the glorious middle finger, and I commend him for his ability to think differently in this society full of generic dickery.

Let this guy be your role model, for he is the living embodiment of our mantra: “I am an asshole, and I do as I please”.

Never give a shit.

Never care.

For freedom!


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