How To: Play Arcade Games

Posted in Establishments with tags , , on September 5, 2012 by assholeking

Being the asshole god, I am always on the lookout for the rightful heir to my throne. Wherever I am, I stay sharp for I might cross paths with the one destined to take over my place and be the most ultimate asshole known to man.

Today, I came across someone worthy of taking my place, for his asshole skills are superior to most so far and his shit-giving almost nonexistent.

I was at an arcade in LimKetKai center in Cagayan de Oro. After having played a few games (before everyone else, of course), I decided to have a break and observe people fighting over different game machines to play first.

Then, this dude caught my attention.

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How To: Drive

Posted in Streets with tags , , , on September 5, 2012 by assholeking

Vehicles have become an integral part of our lives in this fast paced world. No longer does going from one point to another take ages thanks to these internal combustion engines found in our portable metal frames .

With this technology, a new breed of assholes dawned.

Ricers roamed the street, with nothing but Need for Speed and The Fast and the Furious series as their design and driving influence. If the two said media don’t appeal to you, allow me to teach you how to become a full fledged driving asshole. I will guarantee you more than just attention.

Everyone can be a ricer.

Here is all that you have to do:

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How To: Ride Campus Elevator

Posted in School with tags , , on September 5, 2012 by assholeking

Elevators are the best. It helps me, a young, energetic, and totally still not old person, save energy by not walking a few extra steps whilst fighting the force of gravity despite the fact that it is healthy as shit.

I take the elevator every day. Here’s a guide to riding elevators, with different possible courses of action for different situations.

Few people waiting:

  1. Press the up or down key repeatedly until elevator arrives. Keep doing this because if you keep pressing it for too long, it might magically pop out a genie and grant you 5 rule-free wishes.
  2. Hop in.
  3. Wait until you reach your destination floor. If you are alone or are the last one inside the lift, press all buttons for all floors. This will guarantee all the people from all floors a ride in the next few days.
  4. Leave
  5. Pat yourself in the back, for you have served all floors. Even those without intelligent life.

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